Ok, I'm sure to piss people off......wth....its surely not my intention

When I see improvement, no matter how slight, the cynic comes out in me....the smarmy "told ya so"....it's mostly self talk but my thoughts wander to the (mostly) wonderful people I am following on the WL journey...Hey, next week when I reread this I will piss myself off I am sure....it comes from a place of love I assure you.
I am seeing people emerging as runners....daily exercisers...nutritional gurus (although with the artificial sweeteners I have to bite my tongue....how Nutritionists push that shit is beyond me...)....WHERE WAS THIS BEHAVIOR prior?
Hey, many of them were ill, like me. I'll give them that....I give myself a pass from 2003 to 2007. several surgeries, two major illnesses....hey, everyone gets an excuse. PRIOR to that time and after for me....WTF??? I know I remember the pain, the lethargy, the pain (yes deserved a second mention) between the GB disease, the adenomyosis. I remember well the dreading movement...the pain if my belly was full, the pain if my belly was empty..the bleeding......OK but that's ALL GONE....and a "Yes, go full steam ahead" nod from my Dr. (the good one,(Alex))regarding exercise at the end of 2007.....wthell am I here a year later and only..what...27 pounds down?
I have to wrestle with the temptation to do something drastic....to do a juice fast or fake/mimic a pre op phase liquids phase...NOT HEALTHY....not healthy....not healthy...
I know what to do...always have......the WHY's still haunt me....a year later..Why why why...isn't the knowing enough....applying the knowledge gains results...albeit slow but they are results.
You still have your intestines you putz!!....you will absorb all of the calories and thankfully nutrients.....
OK...logic stepping in...I'm going to bump UP my calories...yes..UP....tonight, tomorrow ...add a piece of chicken or meatball....let's see what happens by Wednesday.
Although "technically" talking to myself with my fingers this fucking stupid blog just helped....sigh....
Off to my first walk.....they will be split in two today.
:)